What's the secret?

Dinner time and bed time have become a source of great contention and stress in my home. The kids get home from school and we are doing home work, after school snacks (maybe), chores (one each kid every day), and then starting dinner. By the time dinner is ready to be served I am ready to scream and swear at everyone.

Dinner ends.

Later there is bedtime. We do two kids with two showers (babies don't count in this rotation) every night, brush teeth, jamies, scriptures, family prayer, personal prayers, massage, tickle, rub (that is my job...massage the child's back, then tickle the back, then rub the back). By the time showers are done I am swearing in my head again. Bedtime is taking like one and a half hours....WHY?!!! How did the parents of our latter day Prophets and Apostles do all this and still raise up these awesome children who praise their parents and are faithful talented individuals?

By the time everyone is down there is no time for Stevey and I to settle down and enjoy each others company. The kids aren't getting into bed until 9:15pm and then leaving me alone until 9:30...this is really stressing me out. What would you do and you have to consider that we have a 12 yr old, 10, 9, and 7 so an eight o'clock bed time isn't realistic at all. I feel like a failure of a mother ever night starting around 4:30pm and I hate it.