Tuesday July 15, 2008
So the other day I was trying to be fun, a little romantic and lighten up Kim’s day by ordering her some flowers. The card said “Your most devoted admirer, who is still Truly, Deeply and Madly in love with you. A Secret Admirer“. I thought it would be nice……NO, I didn’t have any hidden arterial motives, I had been a little off lately and wanted Kim to know I still loved her. Well, you can’t even imagine how wrong and blown out of proportion this idea went.. Let me explain.
I’m at work, slaving away to support my family with all their needs and more, when I get a phone call from my boss, yes my boss, telling me that my wife is trying to get a hold of me because some freak has used our debit card number again and has just sent her flowers. (The last time our card number was stolen and flowers bought, they were sent across the US and not to Kim. But that is beside the point) WHAT?!!!! “No, NO, NO! Those flowers are from ME!” I tell my boss. All I heard after that was hysterical, uncontrollable laughing…..I hung up, then called Kim.
The phone call…”Stevey, I think someone….”, “Kim” I say, but am ignored, “…has stolen our card number again and has sent me flowers,….” , “Kim it was me.” I said, still being ignored, “…. I asked the delivery guy what the card said, 'Your most devoted admirer, who is still Truly, Deeply and Madly in love with you. A Secret Admirer', I said my husband wouldn’t send flowers,….”, I tried once more, “KIM, I SENT YOU THE FLOWERS!”, “….IF my husband did send flowers, he wouldn’t put THAT!…Stevey, YOU sent the flowers?!!!” (YES, I got through the impenetrable barrier!) “Yes Kim, I sent them.” ,
So the other day I was trying to be fun, a little romantic and lighten up Kim’s day by ordering her some flowers. The card said “Your most devoted admirer, who is still Truly, Deeply and Madly in love with you. A Secret Admirer“. I thought it would be nice……NO, I didn’t have any hidden arterial motives, I had been a little off lately and wanted Kim to know I still loved her. Well, you can’t even imagine how wrong and blown out of proportion this idea went.. Let me explain.
I’m at work, slaving away to support my family with all their needs and more, when I get a phone call from my boss, yes my boss, telling me that my wife is trying to get a hold of me because some freak has used our debit card number again and has just sent her flowers. (The last time our card number was stolen and flowers bought, they were sent across the US and not to Kim. But that is beside the point) WHAT?!!!! “No, NO, NO! Those flowers are from ME!” I tell my boss. All I heard after that was hysterical, uncontrollable laughing…..I hung up, then called Kim.
The phone call…”Stevey, I think someone….”, “Kim” I say, but am ignored, “…has stolen our card number again and has sent me flowers,….” , “Kim it was me.” I said, still being ignored, “…. I asked the delivery guy what the card said, 'Your most devoted admirer, who is still Truly, Deeply and Madly in love with you. A Secret Admirer', I said my husband wouldn’t send flowers,….”, I tried once more, “KIM, I SENT YOU THE FLOWERS!”, “….IF my husband did send flowers, he wouldn’t put THAT!…Stevey, YOU sent the flowers?!!!” (YES, I got through the impenetrable barrier!) “Yes Kim, I sent them.” ,
“STEEEEEEEEEVE!” Laugh, laugh, Laugh… “Why would you put (sarcasm added) 'Your most devoted admirer, who is still Truly, Deeply and Madly in love with you. A Secret Admirer' on the card? The kids and I are all freaked out thinking some sexual predator is after us!” She’s totally laughing now….I don’t find humor in being labeled as a sexual predator, nor having the flowers being sexual predator flowers.
-The Sexual Predator Flowers…good name for a heavy metal thrasher rock group…..maybe?
“I thought it would be fun, I was just trying to be fun…..” I say all mono toned and depressed because of the whole idea that in the first place, Kim wouldn’t think I would send flowers, second, that I wouldn’t put something fun it the letter IF I did send flowers and third, I was now a sexual predator. “Go ahead and call the guy and have him deliver the flowers, it’s OK, it wasn't a predator, it was your husband trying to be fun….tell the kids their dad isn’t a sexual predator…Love ya bye.” Our kids thought someone was going to jump out of a bush at any moment and nab Kim….or be killed. And to think with all this drama, it didn’t end there….
I come home after work hoping to see the flowers and hoping that Kim loved them….I open the door to the house and start scanning the kitchen, nope, the living room, nope, the ceiling, the garbage can, the garage, nope, nope and nope. “Kim, w h e r e, a r e, t h e, f l o w e r s?” I ask even more depressed. I am now thinking that because Kim and the kids initially thought the flowers were from some sexual predator, she had gotten rid of them.
Kim replies, “Hahahaha, it gets even better Steve. The guy at the flower shop had a family reunion today and can’t deliver the flowers until tomorrow.”
Figures. As if I want the sexual predator flowers in the house anyway, I’m thinking to myself.
Wednesday July 16, 2008
So on Wednesday I’m waiting at work “hoping again” that Kim will call and say how much she loved the flowers. Who was I kidding! There was no more magic! No more romance, fun, or love! The flowers had become obsolete. They were and will always be Sexual Predator Flowers! I was half tempted to call the guy and cancel the order. I didn’t…the flowers were delivered at 3pm and Kim called, left a message for me at work and said she received them. “Stevey, some flowers were delivered to me from a secret admirer, don’t be jealous.”
I come home after work hoping to see the flowers and hoping that Kim loved them….I open the door to the house and start scanning the kitchen, nope, the living room, nope, the ceiling, the garbage can, the garage, nope, nope and nope. “Kim, w h e r e, a r e, t h e, f l o w e r s?” I ask even more depressed. I am now thinking that because Kim and the kids initially thought the flowers were from some sexual predator, she had gotten rid of them.
Kim replies, “Hahahaha, it gets even better Steve. The guy at the flower shop had a family reunion today and can’t deliver the flowers until tomorrow.”
Figures. As if I want the sexual predator flowers in the house anyway, I’m thinking to myself.
Wednesday July 16, 2008
So on Wednesday I’m waiting at work “hoping again” that Kim will call and say how much she loved the flowers. Who was I kidding! There was no more magic! No more romance, fun, or love! The flowers had become obsolete. They were and will always be Sexual Predator Flowers! I was half tempted to call the guy and cancel the order. I didn’t…the flowers were delivered at 3pm and Kim called, left a message for me at work and said she received them. “Stevey, some flowers were delivered to me from a secret admirer, don’t be jealous.”
HELLO, I lost the humor of it all way early on yesterday! So I return the call, “So you got the flowers huh? Well, ok…..bye” Yah, I didn’t care anymore. The flowers meant nothing to me, they couldn’t light up a room for me even if they were on fire. Or as Kim put it, “these aren’t even the type of flowers you would get me, Stevey.” Your right, I didn’t mean to pick out the sexual predator flowers, my mistake. But I swear, that is not what they were called when I ordered them. When I came home and saw the flowers, I was completely distraught! The flowers sitting in my house looks nothing like the flowers I ordered….Of course not, why would they? Everything went wrong from the beginning, why would I expect something to go right?
What I ordered.
What we received.
Hmmmm, is it just me, or is something different?
So the moral of the story is this:
- The Sexual Predator Flowers…could be a good name for a heavy metal thrasher rock group.
- The Sexual Predator Flowers…could be a good name for a heavy metal thrasher rock group.
- Guy’s, spend the money on yourself and skip the pain of being a sexual predator to your family, and just have your wife be mad at you because you spent money on your self which was really for her, but you were too afraid that the flowers would have been taken the wrong way…remember what happened to Stevey.
- Just give the wife the money you would have spent on the flowers and let her buy what she really wants. (clothes…which we can’t buy for them either…EVER!)
- Split the money. Tell her what the intent behind the cash was, which is, you are her most devoted admirer, who is still Truly, Deeply and Madly in love with her, then go spend your half and have a win-win situation.
Besides, flowers are over rated anyway, right?
